Oh Canada

Was something lost in translation or am I too old fashioned? Being a daughter of the Feminist Revolution, women my age often forget that time and biology (and every matchmaker or television therapist) proves to us over and over again, men are the hunters/the gathers and women must surrender to the bountiful harvest that only they can provide.

I recently engaged in conversation with a dashing, educated and successful Canadian man. He actually resembled my fictional dream man, Marc Darcy, European suit and all. The ink in my Bridget Jones’ diary dried up however, when I was hesitant to cross the border into Canada to meet him for coffee at a museum, yes, my little creative, artistic heart and over caffeinated self was excited to make the journey; which in fairness was half-way between us. However, that little voice in the back of my head was ever present. Traveling across any border nowadays is stressful on any seasoned globetrotter and having to answer those probing questions from border security would only give me more pause. “Why are you crossing into Ontario today . . . to meet a first date?”

After expressing my hesitation and providing other locations to meet for an equally satisfying cup of Joe, I was shocked when my northern beau said he would feel more comfortable in Canada. Well, it didn’t even warrant a response. I ceased communication. Was he not worried about my comfort? Then my imagination took over, could he not cross into the U.S.? Does he not have a passport?

Usually, these scenarios have a reasonable explanation. I studied Interpersonal Communication with some of the brightest minds in sociology and communication at New York University. During my Master’s program there, my colleagues and I were referred to as scholars. At 23 years old, I shooed away such a title. Though, as time went on, I eventually became an academic myself, and I now often refer to the theory of human nature; but also remember what my teachers taught me, “Rules cannot be proven scientific when it comes to humans interacting with one another.”

This thought process, combined with conversations with a happily married girlfriend who did the online dating thing says, “Whenever I made the initiative it was always bad – they never wanted to put any effort into dating.”

My experience, studies and cocktails in the field, can only lead me to believe that I saved time, a trip and a potential international situation.

Coco Chanel wasn’t a simple girl

And neither am I

As yet another wedding season comes to a close (at least for my own personal calendar) I successfully absorbed and dealt with the awkward questions about my single-status. Seeming to always have a date, boyfriend or “roommate” in my twenties, I suppose it was just assume that marriage would be on the horizon.

Dates today often ask me, “Why have you never been married?” I usually pause and tactfully respond with something like, “I’ve had a few long-term relationships.” But sometimes I would really like to respond with the truth, “I’ve been asked twice and turned them down?” Or “I wasted some months in my early thirties with someone totally unmarriable?” Perhaps these latter responses would make me seem like a bitch, control freak or high maintenance so I refrain.

At the start of this season’s Grey’s Anatomy, the fictional character Dr. Christina Yang is recovering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and accepts a marriage proposal. Unlike her true character, she is entranced by the “simple” girls, grinning from ear-to-ear in their cookie cutter wedding gowns, showcased throughout the pages of supermarket bridal magazines. “I think you're either born simple or you’re not. I want to be the person who gets happy over finding the perfect dress.” she said.

Wouldn’t it be easy to have such a simplistic idea fill you with all the answers, happiness and goals fulfilled, even if for just a small amount of time?

Looking at some leading significant and single women, they were anything but simple. Coco Chanel changed fashion forever with an innovative and proud demeanor, ahead of her time. Oprah Winfrey never married and changed the way we view media. Former U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is a professor, politician, diplomat and author. No matter what your political views are, there is no denying her credentials are impressive. Actress Cameron Diaz is gorgeous and never been married. Of course she has her critics because sadly, sometimes women are just jealous. Don’t forget Janis Joplin, a rocker ahead of her time with men answering to her when she was just in her mid-twenties.

All of these women could all be described as analytical, innovative and ambitious. So why is marriage still such institution that needs so much emphasis in 2010, especially when not everyone can legally marry in all U.S. states?

In my twenties, I never thought I’d get married. I guess I was correct. Growing up in Western New York, people get married very young and it’s not the norm to be highly educated, well traveled, sane, successful, normal and single; and for some reason this scrutiny is highlighted if you’re a woman.

Wanting to achieve a high level of education, move to New York City and travel the World, these goals squeezed out potential suitors in my own personal life. Is marriage still held to a higher regard because it’s just been considered the norm? What about a celebration for those choosing to follow their goals beyond graduations?

If you’re a single guy in or from WNY or comparable areas and get similar questions, please, write in!

Stay tuned next week for how to picnic in the chilly months!

Its not you, it's me

Being single, I often find myself sitting across from a stranger, trying to make something spark over a glass of something (insert wine, vodka or gin tonic, or if it’s really bad, vodka martini – straight up, dirty, with an olive). Once I was told I didn’t have to drink to be more interesting and my response, “I’m drinking to make you more interesting.” (This attitude could be why I never got married).

Not so long ago, being single wasn’t an unusual thing. In my 20s, being the single girl, I was admired or considered the norm. But about the time I starting growing out of studio apartments, and into a co-habitation situation, my friends starting getting married and soon enough, having babies. Fast-forward a few years, and I’m left with a garden gnome, a couple of marriage proposals and many life lessons.

More recently, I keep hearing that getting married is out. With the divorce rate at 50 percent and many not wanting to go through the pain and expense of the “starter marriage” I’m wondering if this is true. Has man (and woman) finally evolved passed marriage?

The wedding business is worth billions of dollars in the United States, and we’ll go to them, and believe in them, because doesn’t everyone want to feel they are in the presence of true love, according to a Wedding Crasher?

Moving back to my hometown and into yet, another apartment, I didn’t know what to do next in the love category; with these repeated revelations, I’m sort of relieved that I may not have to do anything at all. However, a part of me won’t let my belief system fall into the marriage naysayer category just yet. Who wouldn’t want a guaranteed someone in their life after a bad day at work, argument with a loved one or someone to take trips with?

The happiest time in my 30-something years was when I was making the smallest amount of money and living in the tiniest apartment. This probably wasn’t because I enjoyed getting creative with noodles and peanut butter sandwiches at dinners and drinking cheap beer, it was probably because I was meeting new people, seeing a life ahead of me that wasn’t pre-determined and wanting to go out there and take the necessary steps to be established.

It could be this excitement that lingers today, which is why I refuse to settle, waiting to be sitting across from that person that will make me say to myself, “this is why all those others didn’t work out.” That being said, I have a date to get ready for.